***ORIGINALLY POSTED 31JUL07***
So I am watching TV tonight and I saw a Junque for Jesus ad. The ad starts with Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." I actually REWOUND the DVR to make sure I read that right. Do not lean on your own understanding. Does this look to anyone else like "Think not for yourself, God already knows"?
Now I understand why people can constantly say shit like "God has a purpose for your life" when your baby is stillborn. Or when you find out that you have cancer and have less than six months to live. I guess if I could just put everything on someone else's shoulders all the time, I wouldn't give a fuck either. Although confront those same people with tragedy and their tune tends to change. When it doesn't you realize that you have either found a true zealot, or someone that has found their drug in Christianity (sometimes those are one and the same, but the Drug Christians are usually ones that "convert" late in life after battling some sort of addiction or another and just substitute church and Jesus for Meth and Speed). There isn't hope for those people, so it's best to just move on.
For the rest of us, though, those of us that take a step back and think for ourselves, how do you justify this passage? Do we really have to just be sheep? I always thought it was funny when I was in Sunday school and they likened the Christians to the Sheep and the evil-doers to the Goats. However everywhere else in analogies and what-not, being a sheep is a BAD thing. Are the Christians really ok with being sheep? If so, I guess more power to them, but hopefully they don't get angry when I drive by and "Baaaa" at them while they are walking into church.
Another question, why is the passage there? Why did the author feel the need to actually TELL people in black and white that they should not think for themselves? Are they trying to dull our senses enough so that we don't notice the other glaring inconsistencies in their stories later in the bible? Am I just too bitter? I dunno. It's hard for me to reconcile the fact that I spent 20 years being lied to every day. It was bad enough the shit I had to hear from my Dad, but to add to that the fact that the one person I did look up to, turned out to be a complete fraud, kinda leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.
I know, I know, religion teaches that we are to be tolerant and loving of all people and religions. I say fuck religious tolerance. Those that are the loudest about it are the ones that are the most intolerant. So to me it seems largely hypocritical. Christians are now constantly preaching about how tolerant they are, yet whose God has been responsible for EVERY religious war EVER. Oh, and for those of you about to bitch that the Muslims start a lot, too, let me clue you in to a little secret. Allah and God are the same dude. Do some research if you doubt this. Back to what I was saying, it seems to me that the God in whose name billions of people have been killed from the beginning of time may not be the one we should be putting so much blind faith in.
Let me ask you something. If you had a boss that acted like God, would you work for him very long? "So, um, yeah, I'm gonna need you to bring your kid in to work today and kill him for me. Just to show me that you are loyal." Or how about "Look, the only way you are gonna get that corner office is if you take my son and worship him. Him and only him. No other friends. That's the only way you can get in. Don't like it? Looks like you'll have to go work in the shithouse down the street." Or what if you worked your ass off everyday for the company and he promotes Bob the Janitor to VP because he's meek. Wouldn't that piss you off? I sure as shit wouldn't work there anymore, no matter HOW good the benefits were. That's another thing. No tangible benefits. Nobody knows if the 401k plan is real. You pay into it your whole life, but you really have no idea whether the payoff is legit. You just pray that your boss is telling you the truth. Nobody, and I mean nobody would work for a guy like that. So why put your entire life in the hands of someone like that?
16 January 2011
Repost - Anakin's Descent
***ORIGINALLY POSTED 11SEP07***
So all I ever hear about Episode III is how horrible it was. While I will give you that it could have been tons better, I think something everyone overlooks is one of the main reasons the film was made. Anakin's Descent into Darth Vader. I mean when you watched the first three movies (Episodes IV, V and VI) everybody wanted to know how D.V. got that way. Was he just a magnificent bastard from the beginning or did something happen to MAKE him that way? To turn him to the Dark Side.
I can honestly say that if I had been faced with what Anakin had faced, I may not have been able to stay pure and good. Think about it. He left his mother when he was young to become a Jedi. All well and good, but then he starts having dreams that something has happened to her. So he goes to Tattooine to find her and guess what, something HAD. Eventually he finds her only to have her die in his arms the moment he finds her. Can one of you honestly tell me that if that had happened to you, that you wouldn't have slaughtered an entire village of Tusken Raiders if you knew they were the cause of her death? Unfortunately because he tapped into the rage that he felt and let it control him, he begins his Descent.
Ain't that some shit, though? The first person that ever cared for you and loved you and because you kill the people responsible for her death, you start becoming evil. Fuck, Bourne goes after EVERYBODY because they killed his girl in Supremacy. HE doesn't become a Sith Lord. So let's analyze this further and see where Anakin further turns from the Light.
After his episode on Tattooine the Clone Wars start. So he goes to war for three years. Now if you have ever met someone who has been in intense combat you will discover that a part of them has gone out. Call it Innocence if you will. The feeling you have after you have taken someone's life and nearly lost your own is something that will never go away. Not truly. The Jedi were in the thick of it every day. And these weren't just occasional skirmishes, it was all out WAR throughout the galaxy. Oh, and they didn't hide behind a blaster and shoot from afar, no, they met every enemy face to face in single combat (mostly) and destroyed them through skill, luck and the Force.
After about three years of this, he returns home to find his young bride pregnant. Happy day, right? You would think. But not for this guy. Now he starts having dreams that the only person he has left, his Padme, is going to die in childbirth. Now as a father, I can tell you this is a very real fear. You know that song "Don't take the girl"? Third verse makes me cry every time.
"Doctor says the baby's fine but you'll have to leave
'cause his momma's fading fast and Johnny hit his knees"'
I say this just days before my wife is due with our third child, and I can't say it is any easier this time. True, there is absolutely nothing high risk about this pregnancy, but there wasn't for Padme and Anakin either. Well, at least not that he knew at the time, we know later that it was his damn fault, but that doesn't stop the fear.
So now he goes to someone that he respects and listens to, and the guy tells him that with his teaching Anakin could have the power to stop death.
Holy fuck, this is heady. If I knew that my wife was going to die in childbirth and someone tells me that I can have the power to stop that, I sure as shit don't think I could turn away. Remember the Tim McGraw song? Do you know what the next lines were?
"Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl"
I once had someone tell me that they couldn't understand why Anakin turned bad. I told them they had never been in love. It pissed them off, but I was right. They'll never know it until they are truly in love. With someone other than themselves. Once that day comes, if they think back on our conversation, they will suddenly realize why Anakin turned.
Is that an excuse? No. But it's an understanding. I'm not saying that he was justified it murdering the Younglings, but I am saying I understand his pain. No, I have never lost someone close to me, but I can tell you that even the THOUGHT of it is enough to drive me to the brink of sanity. Maybe it's because I have a very very small group of people I truly love. (Six total)
Or maybe it's because I know that if ever faced with losing my soul or losing someone I love, I'd better pack a suitcase for some hot weather because I wouldn't have to choose. I know.
I was once told that if someone ever held a gun up to my head and told my parents that I would be killed if they did not renounce their faith, they would let me die. Why? Because it would be better for me. I've thought about that a lot since then. And more since I have become a parent. And I can tell you that my answer would be slightly different. If someone ever held a gun to my child's head, there is not a force on this earth or below it that would save them from my wrath. Think its cheesy? Have a kid. You'll understand. If you don't then please give your child(ren) to someone that does. Because something in you is broken.
So all I ever hear about Episode III is how horrible it was. While I will give you that it could have been tons better, I think something everyone overlooks is one of the main reasons the film was made. Anakin's Descent into Darth Vader. I mean when you watched the first three movies (Episodes IV, V and VI) everybody wanted to know how D.V. got that way. Was he just a magnificent bastard from the beginning or did something happen to MAKE him that way? To turn him to the Dark Side.
I can honestly say that if I had been faced with what Anakin had faced, I may not have been able to stay pure and good. Think about it. He left his mother when he was young to become a Jedi. All well and good, but then he starts having dreams that something has happened to her. So he goes to Tattooine to find her and guess what, something HAD. Eventually he finds her only to have her die in his arms the moment he finds her. Can one of you honestly tell me that if that had happened to you, that you wouldn't have slaughtered an entire village of Tusken Raiders if you knew they were the cause of her death? Unfortunately because he tapped into the rage that he felt and let it control him, he begins his Descent.
Ain't that some shit, though? The first person that ever cared for you and loved you and because you kill the people responsible for her death, you start becoming evil. Fuck, Bourne goes after EVERYBODY because they killed his girl in Supremacy. HE doesn't become a Sith Lord. So let's analyze this further and see where Anakin further turns from the Light.
After his episode on Tattooine the Clone Wars start. So he goes to war for three years. Now if you have ever met someone who has been in intense combat you will discover that a part of them has gone out. Call it Innocence if you will. The feeling you have after you have taken someone's life and nearly lost your own is something that will never go away. Not truly. The Jedi were in the thick of it every day. And these weren't just occasional skirmishes, it was all out WAR throughout the galaxy. Oh, and they didn't hide behind a blaster and shoot from afar, no, they met every enemy face to face in single combat (mostly) and destroyed them through skill, luck and the Force.
After about three years of this, he returns home to find his young bride pregnant. Happy day, right? You would think. But not for this guy. Now he starts having dreams that the only person he has left, his Padme, is going to die in childbirth. Now as a father, I can tell you this is a very real fear. You know that song "Don't take the girl"? Third verse makes me cry every time.
"Doctor says the baby's fine but you'll have to leave
'cause his momma's fading fast and Johnny hit his knees"'
I say this just days before my wife is due with our third child, and I can't say it is any easier this time. True, there is absolutely nothing high risk about this pregnancy, but there wasn't for Padme and Anakin either. Well, at least not that he knew at the time, we know later that it was his damn fault, but that doesn't stop the fear.
So now he goes to someone that he respects and listens to, and the guy tells him that with his teaching Anakin could have the power to stop death.
Holy fuck, this is heady. If I knew that my wife was going to die in childbirth and someone tells me that I can have the power to stop that, I sure as shit don't think I could turn away. Remember the Tim McGraw song? Do you know what the next lines were?
"Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl"
I once had someone tell me that they couldn't understand why Anakin turned bad. I told them they had never been in love. It pissed them off, but I was right. They'll never know it until they are truly in love. With someone other than themselves. Once that day comes, if they think back on our conversation, they will suddenly realize why Anakin turned.
Is that an excuse? No. But it's an understanding. I'm not saying that he was justified it murdering the Younglings, but I am saying I understand his pain. No, I have never lost someone close to me, but I can tell you that even the THOUGHT of it is enough to drive me to the brink of sanity. Maybe it's because I have a very very small group of people I truly love. (Six total)
Or maybe it's because I know that if ever faced with losing my soul or losing someone I love, I'd better pack a suitcase for some hot weather because I wouldn't have to choose. I know.
I was once told that if someone ever held a gun up to my head and told my parents that I would be killed if they did not renounce their faith, they would let me die. Why? Because it would be better for me. I've thought about that a lot since then. And more since I have become a parent. And I can tell you that my answer would be slightly different. If someone ever held a gun to my child's head, there is not a force on this earth or below it that would save them from my wrath. Think its cheesy? Have a kid. You'll understand. If you don't then please give your child(ren) to someone that does. Because something in you is broken.
Repost - Time for some Zen
***ORIGINALLY POSTED 29DEC07***
Author's note - I really *do* need to do this.
So I have finally come to the end of my rope. I am so sick of always being angry at everything. I was having a conversation with my dad the other day and he said something that has been eating at me for several days. He said that I am too angry, that I sound too much like him and that I am way too young to be this cynical and jaded. I like to think of myself as a realist, most cynics do. But he has a point. What good does it do me to constantly be angry at the stupidity that surrounds me? Am I going to change any of it? No. Is it going to change on it's own? Fuck no. I realize that my anger is not only destroying me, but it is affecting my children. So I have to not only control this anger, but I have to eradicate it from controlling my very being.
So how to eradicate it. That is the key. It does no good to SAY I am going to stop being angry at everything and not do anything about it. One's willpower can only carry so far with no discipline. And we all know that I have very little self-discipline. If I did, I would have a college degree and be making a lot more money than I am right now. But I digress. Back to the how. Is it enough to just change one's viewpoint? Not really. It requires an entire paradigm shift. To achieve such a paradigm shift one has to surround one's self with things that have aspects of the new paradigm. It does no good to simply remove the anger, either. It has to be replaced by something else. It's like a lost love. "Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all". What horseshit. I'd like to meet the idiot that said that and slap him around for a while. Granted, that won't help my anger issue, will it? Heh. But back to what I said, if you lose a love, ANY love, you have to fill that void with something or it will eat at you eternally. It's hard to fathom that anger can be anyone's "love" but it has been a living, breathing part of me for as long as I can remember.
I once told my mom that in order for us to exist, we must embrace our "Beast", or our primal selves. While this is true, there must be a balance. Embracing it does not mean letting it take control. It means understanding it and using it when necessary but not allowing it to take over our consciousness. This is why I have to eradicate it's hold. I have embraced it to the exclusion of other things.
After pondering this for a while, and believe me this was no new revelation, but it gave me the kick in the shorts, so to speak, needed to realize that this is not going to get better on it's own. I have come to the decision that I cannot do this using the same tactics with which I try to fix everything else. I have to do something completely new and different. But not so different that my mind completely rebels from it. For the longest time I have been utterly fascinated with all things japanese in art. I think I will take it to the next level and begin to immerse myself in their spiritual teachings, the teachings of art, meditation, and war. Wait, back up, what? War? Why the hell would I study the art of war if I am trying to get RID of my anger? A fantastic question. And one that is answered much better by a novel entitled Ender's Game. I suggest you check it out. As for me, I am going to pursue my Zen. Does this mean I will never get angry again or have occasion to rant? Not likely. But it does mean that I will begin the journey towards peace and, hopefully, a kind of enlightenment.
"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom" - Lao Tzu - Tao Te Ching
Author's note - I really *do* need to do this.
So I have finally come to the end of my rope. I am so sick of always being angry at everything. I was having a conversation with my dad the other day and he said something that has been eating at me for several days. He said that I am too angry, that I sound too much like him and that I am way too young to be this cynical and jaded. I like to think of myself as a realist, most cynics do. But he has a point. What good does it do me to constantly be angry at the stupidity that surrounds me? Am I going to change any of it? No. Is it going to change on it's own? Fuck no. I realize that my anger is not only destroying me, but it is affecting my children. So I have to not only control this anger, but I have to eradicate it from controlling my very being.
So how to eradicate it. That is the key. It does no good to SAY I am going to stop being angry at everything and not do anything about it. One's willpower can only carry so far with no discipline. And we all know that I have very little self-discipline. If I did, I would have a college degree and be making a lot more money than I am right now. But I digress. Back to the how. Is it enough to just change one's viewpoint? Not really. It requires an entire paradigm shift. To achieve such a paradigm shift one has to surround one's self with things that have aspects of the new paradigm. It does no good to simply remove the anger, either. It has to be replaced by something else. It's like a lost love. "Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all". What horseshit. I'd like to meet the idiot that said that and slap him around for a while. Granted, that won't help my anger issue, will it? Heh. But back to what I said, if you lose a love, ANY love, you have to fill that void with something or it will eat at you eternally. It's hard to fathom that anger can be anyone's "love" but it has been a living, breathing part of me for as long as I can remember.
I once told my mom that in order for us to exist, we must embrace our "Beast", or our primal selves. While this is true, there must be a balance. Embracing it does not mean letting it take control. It means understanding it and using it when necessary but not allowing it to take over our consciousness. This is why I have to eradicate it's hold. I have embraced it to the exclusion of other things.
After pondering this for a while, and believe me this was no new revelation, but it gave me the kick in the shorts, so to speak, needed to realize that this is not going to get better on it's own. I have come to the decision that I cannot do this using the same tactics with which I try to fix everything else. I have to do something completely new and different. But not so different that my mind completely rebels from it. For the longest time I have been utterly fascinated with all things japanese in art. I think I will take it to the next level and begin to immerse myself in their spiritual teachings, the teachings of art, meditation, and war. Wait, back up, what? War? Why the hell would I study the art of war if I am trying to get RID of my anger? A fantastic question. And one that is answered much better by a novel entitled Ender's Game. I suggest you check it out. As for me, I am going to pursue my Zen. Does this mean I will never get angry again or have occasion to rant? Not likely. But it does mean that I will begin the journey towards peace and, hopefully, a kind of enlightenment.
"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom" - Lao Tzu - Tao Te Ching
Repost - I know the Meaning of Life...
***ORIGINALLY POSTED 13NOV07***
...GIGO.
For those of you that may not know what that means, let me enlighten you. I first heard this at some point in elementary school, but started understanding this concept more when learning how to fix computers. The concept is thus: Garbage In, Garbage Out. Let me speak on this a bit more so you can begin to see where I am going with this. Your computer does nothing on it's own. It is merely a collection of parts and pieces that can do amazing things with the right input. If you think of it at its most basic level the computer is merely a box that interprets your input via the keyboard and/or mouse to give you a desired output via your monitor. For example, when you give it the three finger salute (CTRL+ALT+DEL) it gives you the Task Manager, or allows you to log on to the computer/network. You have given it a command, and it interprets what you tell it and gives you an output based on it's programming. Programming is just another kind of input. It tells the ones and zeros how to line up to get the computer parts to do what the programmer wants them to. An example of bad input causing poor output would be Windows 98. This is a very oversimplified explanation, but you get the point.
Since learning of this concept, it has stuck in the back of my mind, ever present when growing and maturing. I start realizing that there is a whole lot more to this concept of Garbage In, Garbage Out. My daughter has helped make some great points to this for me. I have the mouth of a sailor. Actually I have made sailors blush with some of the profanity that comes out of my mouth, especially when I am driving. One day when Piggy (my now five year old) was around 18 months, we were driving in the car on our way to the store. My wife and I were trying to have a conversation and Piggy just kept singing louder and louder trying to get our attention. Finally I had had enough and told her to shut up. She immediately fires back with "FUCK YOU!!! Yeah, what now?" I don't think I have ever laughed that hard. I know, I know, that isn't very appropriate, but when you think about it, an 18 month old that not only used a curse word but used it in the appropriate context, that was freakin' amazing. Why do I point this out? Garbage In: my cussing like a prison inmate, Garbage Out: my not even two year old using the same language on me.
This concept is all around us. We live in the most obese nation on the planet and look around as you drive down a street. I challenge you to go more than 2 miles in any city (suburbs not included, although are soon coming to this) and find me less than 3 fast food restaurants that specialize in fat and salt. Garbage In: Big Macs, Garbage Out: Fat Asses.
Garbage In: Downloading "free" music and "free" porn
Garbage Out: Popups, spyware, viruses, and the computer going POOP
Garbage In: Bush elected
Garbage Out: War in Iraq to finish what his daddy started
Garbage In: Teachers getting paid between $14 and $16 an hour
Garbage Out: Average literacy level in the U.S. is 5th grade
Garbage In: The Bible
Garbage Out: Well... I'll let you think about that one for a bit. Just remember in whose name every war in history has been fought.
...GIGO.
For those of you that may not know what that means, let me enlighten you. I first heard this at some point in elementary school, but started understanding this concept more when learning how to fix computers. The concept is thus: Garbage In, Garbage Out. Let me speak on this a bit more so you can begin to see where I am going with this. Your computer does nothing on it's own. It is merely a collection of parts and pieces that can do amazing things with the right input. If you think of it at its most basic level the computer is merely a box that interprets your input via the keyboard and/or mouse to give you a desired output via your monitor. For example, when you give it the three finger salute (CTRL+ALT+DEL) it gives you the Task Manager, or allows you to log on to the computer/network. You have given it a command, and it interprets what you tell it and gives you an output based on it's programming. Programming is just another kind of input. It tells the ones and zeros how to line up to get the computer parts to do what the programmer wants them to. An example of bad input causing poor output would be Windows 98. This is a very oversimplified explanation, but you get the point.
Since learning of this concept, it has stuck in the back of my mind, ever present when growing and maturing. I start realizing that there is a whole lot more to this concept of Garbage In, Garbage Out. My daughter has helped make some great points to this for me. I have the mouth of a sailor. Actually I have made sailors blush with some of the profanity that comes out of my mouth, especially when I am driving. One day when Piggy (my now five year old) was around 18 months, we were driving in the car on our way to the store. My wife and I were trying to have a conversation and Piggy just kept singing louder and louder trying to get our attention. Finally I had had enough and told her to shut up. She immediately fires back with "FUCK YOU!!! Yeah, what now?" I don't think I have ever laughed that hard. I know, I know, that isn't very appropriate, but when you think about it, an 18 month old that not only used a curse word but used it in the appropriate context, that was freakin' amazing. Why do I point this out? Garbage In: my cussing like a prison inmate, Garbage Out: my not even two year old using the same language on me.
This concept is all around us. We live in the most obese nation on the planet and look around as you drive down a street. I challenge you to go more than 2 miles in any city (suburbs not included, although are soon coming to this) and find me less than 3 fast food restaurants that specialize in fat and salt. Garbage In: Big Macs, Garbage Out: Fat Asses.
Garbage In: Downloading "free" music and "free" porn
Garbage Out: Popups, spyware, viruses, and the computer going POOP
Garbage In: Bush elected
Garbage Out: War in Iraq to finish what his daddy started
Garbage In: Teachers getting paid between $14 and $16 an hour
Garbage Out: Average literacy level in the U.S. is 5th grade
Garbage In: The Bible
Garbage Out: Well... I'll let you think about that one for a bit. Just remember in whose name every war in history has been fought.
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