16 January 2011
Repost - Anakin's Descent
***ORIGINALLY POSTED 11SEP07***
So all I ever hear about Episode III is how horrible it was. While I will give you that it could have been tons better, I think something everyone overlooks is one of the main reasons the film was made. Anakin's Descent into Darth Vader. I mean when you watched the first three movies (Episodes IV, V and VI) everybody wanted to know how D.V. got that way. Was he just a magnificent bastard from the beginning or did something happen to MAKE him that way? To turn him to the Dark Side.
I can honestly say that if I had been faced with what Anakin had faced, I may not have been able to stay pure and good. Think about it. He left his mother when he was young to become a Jedi. All well and good, but then he starts having dreams that something has happened to her. So he goes to Tattooine to find her and guess what, something HAD. Eventually he finds her only to have her die in his arms the moment he finds her. Can one of you honestly tell me that if that had happened to you, that you wouldn't have slaughtered an entire village of Tusken Raiders if you knew they were the cause of her death? Unfortunately because he tapped into the rage that he felt and let it control him, he begins his Descent.
Ain't that some shit, though? The first person that ever cared for you and loved you and because you kill the people responsible for her death, you start becoming evil. Fuck, Bourne goes after EVERYBODY because they killed his girl in Supremacy. HE doesn't become a Sith Lord. So let's analyze this further and see where Anakin further turns from the Light.
After his episode on Tattooine the Clone Wars start. So he goes to war for three years. Now if you have ever met someone who has been in intense combat you will discover that a part of them has gone out. Call it Innocence if you will. The feeling you have after you have taken someone's life and nearly lost your own is something that will never go away. Not truly. The Jedi were in the thick of it every day. And these weren't just occasional skirmishes, it was all out WAR throughout the galaxy. Oh, and they didn't hide behind a blaster and shoot from afar, no, they met every enemy face to face in single combat (mostly) and destroyed them through skill, luck and the Force.
After about three years of this, he returns home to find his young bride pregnant. Happy day, right? You would think. But not for this guy. Now he starts having dreams that the only person he has left, his Padme, is going to die in childbirth. Now as a father, I can tell you this is a very real fear. You know that song "Don't take the girl"? Third verse makes me cry every time.
"Doctor says the baby's fine but you'll have to leave
'cause his momma's fading fast and Johnny hit his knees"'
I say this just days before my wife is due with our third child, and I can't say it is any easier this time. True, there is absolutely nothing high risk about this pregnancy, but there wasn't for Padme and Anakin either. Well, at least not that he knew at the time, we know later that it was his damn fault, but that doesn't stop the fear.
So now he goes to someone that he respects and listens to, and the guy tells him that with his teaching Anakin could have the power to stop death.
Holy fuck, this is heady. If I knew that my wife was going to die in childbirth and someone tells me that I can have the power to stop that, I sure as shit don't think I could turn away. Remember the Tim McGraw song? Do you know what the next lines were?
"Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl"
I once had someone tell me that they couldn't understand why Anakin turned bad. I told them they had never been in love. It pissed them off, but I was right. They'll never know it until they are truly in love. With someone other than themselves. Once that day comes, if they think back on our conversation, they will suddenly realize why Anakin turned.
Is that an excuse? No. But it's an understanding. I'm not saying that he was justified it murdering the Younglings, but I am saying I understand his pain. No, I have never lost someone close to me, but I can tell you that even the THOUGHT of it is enough to drive me to the brink of sanity. Maybe it's because I have a very very small group of people I truly love. (Six total)
Or maybe it's because I know that if ever faced with losing my soul or losing someone I love, I'd better pack a suitcase for some hot weather because I wouldn't have to choose. I know.
I was once told that if someone ever held a gun up to my head and told my parents that I would be killed if they did not renounce their faith, they would let me die. Why? Because it would be better for me. I've thought about that a lot since then. And more since I have become a parent. And I can tell you that my answer would be slightly different. If someone ever held a gun to my child's head, there is not a force on this earth or below it that would save them from my wrath. Think its cheesy? Have a kid. You'll understand. If you don't then please give your child(ren) to someone that does. Because something in you is broken.
So all I ever hear about Episode III is how horrible it was. While I will give you that it could have been tons better, I think something everyone overlooks is one of the main reasons the film was made. Anakin's Descent into Darth Vader. I mean when you watched the first three movies (Episodes IV, V and VI) everybody wanted to know how D.V. got that way. Was he just a magnificent bastard from the beginning or did something happen to MAKE him that way? To turn him to the Dark Side.
I can honestly say that if I had been faced with what Anakin had faced, I may not have been able to stay pure and good. Think about it. He left his mother when he was young to become a Jedi. All well and good, but then he starts having dreams that something has happened to her. So he goes to Tattooine to find her and guess what, something HAD. Eventually he finds her only to have her die in his arms the moment he finds her. Can one of you honestly tell me that if that had happened to you, that you wouldn't have slaughtered an entire village of Tusken Raiders if you knew they were the cause of her death? Unfortunately because he tapped into the rage that he felt and let it control him, he begins his Descent.
Ain't that some shit, though? The first person that ever cared for you and loved you and because you kill the people responsible for her death, you start becoming evil. Fuck, Bourne goes after EVERYBODY because they killed his girl in Supremacy. HE doesn't become a Sith Lord. So let's analyze this further and see where Anakin further turns from the Light.
After his episode on Tattooine the Clone Wars start. So he goes to war for three years. Now if you have ever met someone who has been in intense combat you will discover that a part of them has gone out. Call it Innocence if you will. The feeling you have after you have taken someone's life and nearly lost your own is something that will never go away. Not truly. The Jedi were in the thick of it every day. And these weren't just occasional skirmishes, it was all out WAR throughout the galaxy. Oh, and they didn't hide behind a blaster and shoot from afar, no, they met every enemy face to face in single combat (mostly) and destroyed them through skill, luck and the Force.
After about three years of this, he returns home to find his young bride pregnant. Happy day, right? You would think. But not for this guy. Now he starts having dreams that the only person he has left, his Padme, is going to die in childbirth. Now as a father, I can tell you this is a very real fear. You know that song "Don't take the girl"? Third verse makes me cry every time.
"Doctor says the baby's fine but you'll have to leave
'cause his momma's fading fast and Johnny hit his knees"'
I say this just days before my wife is due with our third child, and I can't say it is any easier this time. True, there is absolutely nothing high risk about this pregnancy, but there wasn't for Padme and Anakin either. Well, at least not that he knew at the time, we know later that it was his damn fault, but that doesn't stop the fear.
So now he goes to someone that he respects and listens to, and the guy tells him that with his teaching Anakin could have the power to stop death.
Holy fuck, this is heady. If I knew that my wife was going to die in childbirth and someone tells me that I can have the power to stop that, I sure as shit don't think I could turn away. Remember the Tim McGraw song? Do you know what the next lines were?
"Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl"
I once had someone tell me that they couldn't understand why Anakin turned bad. I told them they had never been in love. It pissed them off, but I was right. They'll never know it until they are truly in love. With someone other than themselves. Once that day comes, if they think back on our conversation, they will suddenly realize why Anakin turned.
Is that an excuse? No. But it's an understanding. I'm not saying that he was justified it murdering the Younglings, but I am saying I understand his pain. No, I have never lost someone close to me, but I can tell you that even the THOUGHT of it is enough to drive me to the brink of sanity. Maybe it's because I have a very very small group of people I truly love. (Six total)
Or maybe it's because I know that if ever faced with losing my soul or losing someone I love, I'd better pack a suitcase for some hot weather because I wouldn't have to choose. I know.
I was once told that if someone ever held a gun up to my head and told my parents that I would be killed if they did not renounce their faith, they would let me die. Why? Because it would be better for me. I've thought about that a lot since then. And more since I have become a parent. And I can tell you that my answer would be slightly different. If someone ever held a gun to my child's head, there is not a force on this earth or below it that would save them from my wrath. Think its cheesy? Have a kid. You'll understand. If you don't then please give your child(ren) to someone that does. Because something in you is broken.
Repost - Time for some Zen
***ORIGINALLY POSTED 29DEC07***
Author's note - I really *do* need to do this.
So I have finally come to the end of my rope. I am so sick of always being angry at everything. I was having a conversation with my dad the other day and he said something that has been eating at me for several days. He said that I am too angry, that I sound too much like him and that I am way too young to be this cynical and jaded. I like to think of myself as a realist, most cynics do. But he has a point. What good does it do me to constantly be angry at the stupidity that surrounds me? Am I going to change any of it? No. Is it going to change on it's own? Fuck no. I realize that my anger is not only destroying me, but it is affecting my children. So I have to not only control this anger, but I have to eradicate it from controlling my very being.
So how to eradicate it. That is the key. It does no good to SAY I am going to stop being angry at everything and not do anything about it. One's willpower can only carry so far with no discipline. And we all know that I have very little self-discipline. If I did, I would have a college degree and be making a lot more money than I am right now. But I digress. Back to the how. Is it enough to just change one's viewpoint? Not really. It requires an entire paradigm shift. To achieve such a paradigm shift one has to surround one's self with things that have aspects of the new paradigm. It does no good to simply remove the anger, either. It has to be replaced by something else. It's like a lost love. "Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all". What horseshit. I'd like to meet the idiot that said that and slap him around for a while. Granted, that won't help my anger issue, will it? Heh. But back to what I said, if you lose a love, ANY love, you have to fill that void with something or it will eat at you eternally. It's hard to fathom that anger can be anyone's "love" but it has been a living, breathing part of me for as long as I can remember.
I once told my mom that in order for us to exist, we must embrace our "Beast", or our primal selves. While this is true, there must be a balance. Embracing it does not mean letting it take control. It means understanding it and using it when necessary but not allowing it to take over our consciousness. This is why I have to eradicate it's hold. I have embraced it to the exclusion of other things.
After pondering this for a while, and believe me this was no new revelation, but it gave me the kick in the shorts, so to speak, needed to realize that this is not going to get better on it's own. I have come to the decision that I cannot do this using the same tactics with which I try to fix everything else. I have to do something completely new and different. But not so different that my mind completely rebels from it. For the longest time I have been utterly fascinated with all things japanese in art. I think I will take it to the next level and begin to immerse myself in their spiritual teachings, the teachings of art, meditation, and war. Wait, back up, what? War? Why the hell would I study the art of war if I am trying to get RID of my anger? A fantastic question. And one that is answered much better by a novel entitled Ender's Game. I suggest you check it out. As for me, I am going to pursue my Zen. Does this mean I will never get angry again or have occasion to rant? Not likely. But it does mean that I will begin the journey towards peace and, hopefully, a kind of enlightenment.
"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom" - Lao Tzu - Tao Te Ching
Author's note - I really *do* need to do this.
So I have finally come to the end of my rope. I am so sick of always being angry at everything. I was having a conversation with my dad the other day and he said something that has been eating at me for several days. He said that I am too angry, that I sound too much like him and that I am way too young to be this cynical and jaded. I like to think of myself as a realist, most cynics do. But he has a point. What good does it do me to constantly be angry at the stupidity that surrounds me? Am I going to change any of it? No. Is it going to change on it's own? Fuck no. I realize that my anger is not only destroying me, but it is affecting my children. So I have to not only control this anger, but I have to eradicate it from controlling my very being.
So how to eradicate it. That is the key. It does no good to SAY I am going to stop being angry at everything and not do anything about it. One's willpower can only carry so far with no discipline. And we all know that I have very little self-discipline. If I did, I would have a college degree and be making a lot more money than I am right now. But I digress. Back to the how. Is it enough to just change one's viewpoint? Not really. It requires an entire paradigm shift. To achieve such a paradigm shift one has to surround one's self with things that have aspects of the new paradigm. It does no good to simply remove the anger, either. It has to be replaced by something else. It's like a lost love. "Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all". What horseshit. I'd like to meet the idiot that said that and slap him around for a while. Granted, that won't help my anger issue, will it? Heh. But back to what I said, if you lose a love, ANY love, you have to fill that void with something or it will eat at you eternally. It's hard to fathom that anger can be anyone's "love" but it has been a living, breathing part of me for as long as I can remember.
I once told my mom that in order for us to exist, we must embrace our "Beast", or our primal selves. While this is true, there must be a balance. Embracing it does not mean letting it take control. It means understanding it and using it when necessary but not allowing it to take over our consciousness. This is why I have to eradicate it's hold. I have embraced it to the exclusion of other things.
After pondering this for a while, and believe me this was no new revelation, but it gave me the kick in the shorts, so to speak, needed to realize that this is not going to get better on it's own. I have come to the decision that I cannot do this using the same tactics with which I try to fix everything else. I have to do something completely new and different. But not so different that my mind completely rebels from it. For the longest time I have been utterly fascinated with all things japanese in art. I think I will take it to the next level and begin to immerse myself in their spiritual teachings, the teachings of art, meditation, and war. Wait, back up, what? War? Why the hell would I study the art of war if I am trying to get RID of my anger? A fantastic question. And one that is answered much better by a novel entitled Ender's Game. I suggest you check it out. As for me, I am going to pursue my Zen. Does this mean I will never get angry again or have occasion to rant? Not likely. But it does mean that I will begin the journey towards peace and, hopefully, a kind of enlightenment.
"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom" - Lao Tzu - Tao Te Ching
Repost - I know the Meaning of Life...
***ORIGINALLY POSTED 13NOV07***
...GIGO.
For those of you that may not know what that means, let me enlighten you. I first heard this at some point in elementary school, but started understanding this concept more when learning how to fix computers. The concept is thus: Garbage In, Garbage Out. Let me speak on this a bit more so you can begin to see where I am going with this. Your computer does nothing on it's own. It is merely a collection of parts and pieces that can do amazing things with the right input. If you think of it at its most basic level the computer is merely a box that interprets your input via the keyboard and/or mouse to give you a desired output via your monitor. For example, when you give it the three finger salute (CTRL+ALT+DEL) it gives you the Task Manager, or allows you to log on to the computer/network. You have given it a command, and it interprets what you tell it and gives you an output based on it's programming. Programming is just another kind of input. It tells the ones and zeros how to line up to get the computer parts to do what the programmer wants them to. An example of bad input causing poor output would be Windows 98. This is a very oversimplified explanation, but you get the point.
Since learning of this concept, it has stuck in the back of my mind, ever present when growing and maturing. I start realizing that there is a whole lot more to this concept of Garbage In, Garbage Out. My daughter has helped make some great points to this for me. I have the mouth of a sailor. Actually I have made sailors blush with some of the profanity that comes out of my mouth, especially when I am driving. One day when Piggy (my now five year old) was around 18 months, we were driving in the car on our way to the store. My wife and I were trying to have a conversation and Piggy just kept singing louder and louder trying to get our attention. Finally I had had enough and told her to shut up. She immediately fires back with "FUCK YOU!!! Yeah, what now?" I don't think I have ever laughed that hard. I know, I know, that isn't very appropriate, but when you think about it, an 18 month old that not only used a curse word but used it in the appropriate context, that was freakin' amazing. Why do I point this out? Garbage In: my cussing like a prison inmate, Garbage Out: my not even two year old using the same language on me.
This concept is all around us. We live in the most obese nation on the planet and look around as you drive down a street. I challenge you to go more than 2 miles in any city (suburbs not included, although are soon coming to this) and find me less than 3 fast food restaurants that specialize in fat and salt. Garbage In: Big Macs, Garbage Out: Fat Asses.
Garbage In: Downloading "free" music and "free" porn
Garbage Out: Popups, spyware, viruses, and the computer going POOP
Garbage In: Bush elected
Garbage Out: War in Iraq to finish what his daddy started
Garbage In: Teachers getting paid between $14 and $16 an hour
Garbage Out: Average literacy level in the U.S. is 5th grade
Garbage In: The Bible
Garbage Out: Well... I'll let you think about that one for a bit. Just remember in whose name every war in history has been fought.
...GIGO.
For those of you that may not know what that means, let me enlighten you. I first heard this at some point in elementary school, but started understanding this concept more when learning how to fix computers. The concept is thus: Garbage In, Garbage Out. Let me speak on this a bit more so you can begin to see where I am going with this. Your computer does nothing on it's own. It is merely a collection of parts and pieces that can do amazing things with the right input. If you think of it at its most basic level the computer is merely a box that interprets your input via the keyboard and/or mouse to give you a desired output via your monitor. For example, when you give it the three finger salute (CTRL+ALT+DEL) it gives you the Task Manager, or allows you to log on to the computer/network. You have given it a command, and it interprets what you tell it and gives you an output based on it's programming. Programming is just another kind of input. It tells the ones and zeros how to line up to get the computer parts to do what the programmer wants them to. An example of bad input causing poor output would be Windows 98. This is a very oversimplified explanation, but you get the point.
Since learning of this concept, it has stuck in the back of my mind, ever present when growing and maturing. I start realizing that there is a whole lot more to this concept of Garbage In, Garbage Out. My daughter has helped make some great points to this for me. I have the mouth of a sailor. Actually I have made sailors blush with some of the profanity that comes out of my mouth, especially when I am driving. One day when Piggy (my now five year old) was around 18 months, we were driving in the car on our way to the store. My wife and I were trying to have a conversation and Piggy just kept singing louder and louder trying to get our attention. Finally I had had enough and told her to shut up. She immediately fires back with "FUCK YOU!!! Yeah, what now?" I don't think I have ever laughed that hard. I know, I know, that isn't very appropriate, but when you think about it, an 18 month old that not only used a curse word but used it in the appropriate context, that was freakin' amazing. Why do I point this out? Garbage In: my cussing like a prison inmate, Garbage Out: my not even two year old using the same language on me.
This concept is all around us. We live in the most obese nation on the planet and look around as you drive down a street. I challenge you to go more than 2 miles in any city (suburbs not included, although are soon coming to this) and find me less than 3 fast food restaurants that specialize in fat and salt. Garbage In: Big Macs, Garbage Out: Fat Asses.
Garbage In: Downloading "free" music and "free" porn
Garbage Out: Popups, spyware, viruses, and the computer going POOP
Garbage In: Bush elected
Garbage Out: War in Iraq to finish what his daddy started
Garbage In: Teachers getting paid between $14 and $16 an hour
Garbage Out: Average literacy level in the U.S. is 5th grade
Garbage In: The Bible
Garbage Out: Well... I'll let you think about that one for a bit. Just remember in whose name every war in history has been fought.
Repost - Cars vs OSes
***ORIGINALLY POSTED 21MAR08***
Author's note - I realize this is dated and since this post I've since started using Linux and this description is less accurate now.
So I got to thinking tonight. Computers and their users are similar to cars and their drivers. Now please keep in mind that these comments are extreme in their generalizations and there is not really any reason to message me and tell me about it because I likely already know. But here goes.
I’ve recently come into possession of a shiny new Macbook Pro as most of you that pay attention already know. Having been forever a Windows user, I jumped at the chance to add Apple experience to my repertoire and résumé, so here we are. I’m noticing a lot of things that make me understand why they call Mac users "snobs". In Windows most of you know that every time you open up a folder you get a smattering of icons on a nice white background. There are ways to hack this, I’m sure, but the average user does not have the know-how or the desire to do this. Hell I am sure even most of your Windows geeks don’t even think about this possibility. On the Mac I can change the background to any image or color I could possibly want. And I can do something different for EACH folder. I mean that is just at the very basic level. There are so many little things that you can do that make this OS far and away more simple and creative to use. I could spend days lauding them and not be done. Does this mean I am no longer a Windows user? Far from it. There are still things I can do on Windows that I can’t do on my Mac. But that will soon change when I use Boot Camp to install a dual boot with XP. But on with my comparison.
OS X is like a Lexus and XP is like a Ford. Ford drivers are staunchly against anything else. Probably because they don’t know any better. Sure they know the comparisons but they have likely never driven a Lexus. Lexus drivers know better and try to point things out, but most of the time they just drive along with their heated seats and voice guided navigation systems installed standard, and let the Fordies preach what they will. Sure the Ford can have a navigation system and heated seats, but they know that they didn’t come up with it and now all they are doing is playing catch-up.
And then there’s Linux. Linux is like a Ferrari that has no backseat, no trunk, a 25 speed gear shift and the engine has to be rebuilt every time they get gas. But it looks damn sexy and purrs like a kitten. As long as you can figure out how to rebuild the engine and learn to shift while holding in the clutch and tapping the gas and brake alternately while honking the horn and rolling up the window.
Author's note - I realize this is dated and since this post I've since started using Linux and this description is less accurate now.
So I got to thinking tonight. Computers and their users are similar to cars and their drivers. Now please keep in mind that these comments are extreme in their generalizations and there is not really any reason to message me and tell me about it because I likely already know. But here goes.
I’ve recently come into possession of a shiny new Macbook Pro as most of you that pay attention already know. Having been forever a Windows user, I jumped at the chance to add Apple experience to my repertoire and résumé, so here we are. I’m noticing a lot of things that make me understand why they call Mac users "snobs". In Windows most of you know that every time you open up a folder you get a smattering of icons on a nice white background. There are ways to hack this, I’m sure, but the average user does not have the know-how or the desire to do this. Hell I am sure even most of your Windows geeks don’t even think about this possibility. On the Mac I can change the background to any image or color I could possibly want. And I can do something different for EACH folder. I mean that is just at the very basic level. There are so many little things that you can do that make this OS far and away more simple and creative to use. I could spend days lauding them and not be done. Does this mean I am no longer a Windows user? Far from it. There are still things I can do on Windows that I can’t do on my Mac. But that will soon change when I use Boot Camp to install a dual boot with XP. But on with my comparison.
OS X is like a Lexus and XP is like a Ford. Ford drivers are staunchly against anything else. Probably because they don’t know any better. Sure they know the comparisons but they have likely never driven a Lexus. Lexus drivers know better and try to point things out, but most of the time they just drive along with their heated seats and voice guided navigation systems installed standard, and let the Fordies preach what they will. Sure the Ford can have a navigation system and heated seats, but they know that they didn’t come up with it and now all they are doing is playing catch-up.
And then there’s Linux. Linux is like a Ferrari that has no backseat, no trunk, a 25 speed gear shift and the engine has to be rebuilt every time they get gas. But it looks damn sexy and purrs like a kitten. As long as you can figure out how to rebuild the engine and learn to shift while holding in the clutch and tapping the gas and brake alternately while honking the horn and rolling up the window.
Repost - Adam, Eve, and "The Fall"?
***ORIGINALLY POSTED 20APR08***
Author's note - This is probably one of my favorite posts, ever.
As I write this, my mind is swirling with concepts and feelings that I have had for longer than I can remember, but never been able to cogitate into a detectable pattern and put together as they are meant to be. Now, upon completion of His Dark Materials they are finally going on the path they were meant to. A quick side note: As I started these books I wondered why it took finding out about the movie to spark an interest. I had never seen nor heard of these books when they came out and I felt that there was something wrong with that. But having completed them today, I realize that had I come across them any earlier, I may not have seen what I needed to see. Back to the dissertation.
As I was growing up, I became intimately familiar with the story of Adam and Eve, as I grew up with a Christian mother whose life was The Church and it's teachings. She has since realized the error of her ways and come to a greater understanding, for which I think several of us are grateful. But this isn't about her; it's about Adam, Eve and what Christians refer to as "The Fall". For those of you largely unfamiliar with the story, I will attempt to tell it quickly to give a basis for my musings. Now keep in mind that this is biblical, not factual. In the beginning God created the world. He created all the animals and then he created Adam. (Now here there is some debate because some scholars believed God created Adam and Lilith --Adam's first wife-- at the same time.) However, the majority of people believe that God created Adam and then when he saw Adam was lonely, he created Eve from Adam as a companion. (A point I have trouble understanding is that if God created Adam in his own image, and God wasn't in need of a mate or companion, why did he create Eve? But I digress.) God told Adam and Eve that they could do pretty much anything they wanted except eat from this tree that grew in the Garden, the Tree of Knowledge (aka Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil). There was another tree, the Tree of Life, that gave them their gift of immortality, but this one doesn't seem to be as important to the story (although later in Christian development, it became more important than the ToK, but that isn't where I am focusing).
Fast forward a bit: Adam and Eve had lived in the Garden of Eden since the Creation (do you like my liberal use of Capital Letters?). They were naked and felt no shame. They had everything they needed, wanted for nothing. One day Eve was out walking in her nudity and stumbled across a Serpent. He convinces her to eat of the fruit of the ToK and she does. She then takes and gives this fruit to Adam, and Adam --knowing full well what it is and that it's forbidden-- eats of it as well. Supposedly they then become aware of their nakedness and clothed themselves. Later when God was walking through the Garden, he sees their clothes and knows that they have disobeyed him. He then banishes them from the Garden, denying them the fruit of the Tree of Life (thereby denying them their immortality) and forces them to live by their own labor. This "Fall" is the origin of what Christians refer to as "original sin". This is the concept that all humans are born into sin and if they die before accepting Jesus as their personal Lord and Saviour, they will go to hell. (Want to have an interesting and lively debate? Ask someone that believes this concept what happens to a baby if they die at birth and then question their logic.)
Now begin my musings. As a kid I had some questions with this story that seemed to get me into trouble. The first one was, if Adam and Eve weren't supposed to eat the fruit of the ToK, why was it there where they could get to it? The answer to this, I was told, is so that they could have free will. My question from this was, if they were supposed to have free will why were they told not to eat from the Tree in the first place? Because God told them not to and they obeyed God. If they obeyed God, what made them disobey him? The devil. Why did the devil want Adam and Eve to disobey God? Because he was jealous of them. Yeah, this raised a whole lot more questions, but we wont get into those here.
Now I was about 5 or 6 when I learned this and at the same time I was learning that God was all knowing, all powerful, and able to be everywhere at once (omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, respectively). This confused me when I compared it to the story of the Garden of Eden. If God was all knowing, didn't he know that they were going to disobey him? If he knew they were going to do it anyways, why tell them not to do it? If he was omnipresent then how did he go walking in the Garden? If he was omniscient, why didn't he know they ate the fruit the second they did it? Instead he learned of it when he saw their clothes. How did the devil even get INTO the Garden if there were angels guarding the place? Things weren't adding up for me, but no one was willing to answer these questions. Indeed, when I asked them, I was told in no uncertain terms that children were to be seen and not heard.
These are not all the questions I have had about the stories I was told from the Bible, but they are the earliest I remember having. A few years ago I turned my back inexorably on the Christian faith. It had been coming for a long time, but I finally made the decision and did it. No, I didn't make any pacts with the devil (mainly because the devil seems to be a completely Christian concept and it seemed silly to me to make a pact with something or someone created by the very stupidity I was trying to escape), nor did I sacrifice any small children or animals. I simply made the decision that I was not going to let fear be the deciding factor in my faith anymore. Fear of screwing up, fear of hell and fear of God. These are the things that Christians teach. Sure they give lip service to loving God, but what they spend far more time talking on is about Fearing him. The Fear of God. That is a popular sermon topic, let me tell you. They also talked about him being my Heavenly Father. Well this helped me to understand the Fear of God because I had Fear of my earthly father as well. Fear that he would find fault with me or the things I did, fear that I would be punished for doing wrong, fear of failure. These were things that I was taught at home and at church, so I thought that was all there was. When I broke those ties to Christianity, I realized that fear was something created to control us. I realize as a parent and as an adult observing other people that fear is a tool that we use far too often. If you fear your boss, you won't screw up, you'll do your job. If your kids fear you they will supposedly listen to you more. If you fear the police or prison, you will be less likely to commit crimes. We live in a society based on this concept of Fear. Read Michael Crichton's novel "State of Fear" for a fantastic example of what this fear can do for an environmental movement. (Global warming, anyone?)
I discovered today what the opposite of fear is. Love. Wait isn't hate the opposite of love? Well let me ask this: what creates hate? Fear. Think about it. It's been proven time and time again that the root of every hate crime is fear. Fear of homosexuality, fear of oppression, fear of repression, fear of a culture or an ideal. Why did the Catholics burn witches in the Inquisition? Fear of the damnation of their souls and fear of what the witches "could make them do" and what the witches knew about them as told to them by the devil himself.
So lets go back to the story of Adam and Eve. Before they ate of the Tree of Knowledge, they were naked. They had no children. The Bible is very specific that they had their children AFTER leaving the Garden of Eden. So it isn't a leap of faith (no pun intended) to see that there was probably no sex either, seeing as how the pill wouldn't come around for another few thousand years. And what is sex but the greatest expression of love between two people. Sure sex can be perverted or used for purely physical satisfaction, but anyone who has ever been in love can tell you that the sex with someone you are truly, deeply in love with is FAR more satisfying and pleasurable than any number of meaningless sexual liaisons. So looking at it from this perspective, lets look again at the eating of the fruit. Eve ate the fruit of the ToK and became aware of Good and Evil, and I believe at the same moment became aware of something else as well. Love. Overcome with this love she took the fruit and offered it to her companion, who then ate of it and became aware of the same sensation. Supposedly they then became aware of their nudity and became ashamed. Why would they have been ashamed simply after learning of Good and Evil? Nudity is not evil. Nor is it good. It is neutral. It is only how we PERCEIVE the nudity that makes it what it is. For example, look at Africans. Their women go topless. There is nothing wrong with that. It is only in Christian-centered countries like America --where 85% of the population claim some faith in the Christian God-- that there is something wrong with a woman's breasts and that they need to be covered. And they take this to ridiculous extremes. Only in the last couple of years has it no longer been a sex crime to breast-feed in public. Before that, if a woman was reported for breast-feeding in certain states, she would actually have to register as a sex offender! All for feeding her baby in public where someone might ::Gasp:: see a nipple! Interestingly enough in non-christian-centric countries, sex and nudity are far less restricted, is this because they are Evil? Or is it that the concept of nudity being shameful is purely Abrahamic? (For those of you unfamiliar with the term, I am referring to Christians, Jews, and Muslims) In those cultures women must be covered in public at all times, even to the extreme in the case of Muslims. Why? If God and the christian religion truly is not the creation of Man why isn't all mankind in the same understanding of sex and nudity? That it is shameful.
Ok back to the story. So they supposedly became shameful and had to clothe themselves. I believe that they discovered something else. Something that the Christian church cannot come to terms with. Sexual love. The Unification church is of the mind that the ToK symbolizes Eve and that the ToL symbolizes perfected Adam. The "fruit" of the tree is Eve's love. Her offering of that love to Adam is implying a sexual relationship before they had the permission of God. Thus the "fall". Although this is a physical fall instead of a spiritual fall. The temptation of Eve by Lucifer is the spiritual fall. Although the Unificationists go so far as to say Eve had a sexual relationship with Lucifer first.
Now the question is, why did God not want them to have this awareness? I mean, WHY did he not want them to eat of the ToK? Was he just being a parent and forbidding something just to test them? Or was there a real reason for it? What doesn't make sense to me, again, is if he is omniscient, why the whole ruse in the first place? He knew that Adam and Eve were going to fall, so why the games? Setting the omniscience aside for a moment since that makes even less sense, why then does he not want them to have this knowledge? Is it because he, himself, is incapable of love? All love is based from sexual love. Love for our children comes from the sexual union that created them. Love for our families again came into being because of that sexual act. So isn't it possible that sex itself is the foundation of our love? They say you can have no love without sex, but you can have sex without love. Is that really true? Can you? I am starting to doubt that. Sure, maybe on the surface you can, but truly, the reason for the sex is a love of SOMETHING. The love of orgasm, of ecstacy, maybe not love for the person you are having sex with, but love nevertheless. Since God has no one else, is he even CAPABLE of love? The bible gives lip service to this, but nothing really definitive in any of his actions. If anything he seems like a pretentious child king. He kicks Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden even though --since he's omniscient-- he KNEW they were gonna do it. He turns his back on pretty much all of his children. He tells Isaac that he has to sacrifice his own SON to him, and does he stop Isaac? Nope. He has an angel do it for him. Supposedly he loved the world so much that he gave his only begotten son to save us all, but if he hadn't been a jerk in the first place he wouldn't have HAD to send his son. And what the hell is up with the begotten crap? I mean he didn't even impregnate Mary himself. He sent the holy spirit and she was suddenly "with child". At least Zeus had the balls to do it himself. Repeatedly.
So is this incapability for love what causes the church elders to label what Adam and Eve felt as shame? Since God didn't write the bible himself, and he just dictated it to somebody, how did that go?
"So, wait, they started having sex so you threw them out? Why the hell did you do that?"
"Just write it down"
Now lets look at what this shame --oh, and by the way, shame is the FEAR of being viewed as less in the eyes of someone you respect or care about-- has done to us. Let's start with the Catholic church. Because of Eve's fall, the female form is seen as shameful and sinful. Hell, even the CONCEPT of "original sin" is because of Eve. Because of this the church sees women as evil. Priests are not allowed to wed. They are not allowed to know love in it's physical manifestation. Because of this we have scandals that "rock the foundation of the Church" when priests try to find that love where it is closest to them, the altar boys. (Amazingly enough these same priests are the ones that vocally detest and denounce homosexuality stronger than almost anyone else, hypocrisy knows no bounds in the Church) Anyone who does magick knows that when you are done with a working you have to release that power. The best and most satisfying way is with sex. Again this goes back to love. And priests work magick every time they hold mass, whether that is how they want to refer to it or not, that is what it is. They are calling the power of their chosen deity to manifest itself in a form they choose through their commandment (communion through transubstantiation). That's magick, folks. Every magickian on the planet aims to reach closeness with their form of deity through their own power or commandment. Aleister Crowley, arguably one of the greatest magickians of all time, calls that Greater Magick. Another way he describes that is "pursuit of the beloved". There's that love word again. Crowley also teaches "Love is the Law, Love under Will".
Love is the Law. That is a concept I have been struggling with for quite some time. As many of you know, I have a problem with loving my fellow humans. I really don't like them. Frankly they tend to disgust me. Other than the few I choose to share my life with, I can't stand to be around them. Why is that? As I finished His Dark Materials, I was challenged to confront that. I always disdained the New Agers when they went on touting Love and Tolerance for All Mankind. "Fuck tolerance" I have said many times in the past. I always thought that love was one of those things reserved for my wife, kids and family. Because of the truly hypocritical nature of Christianity, I thought love for everyone else meant I would be doing the same thing they are. Namely giving lip service to a concept that they want you to believe they practice. But I came to the realization long ago that love is NOT the name of their game. No matter how hard they want you to believe it, it's not what their religion is based on. Like I covered before, their religion is based on Fear. And you cannot have both Fear and Love be the focus of your thoughts. They are mutually exclusive. If you think I am wrong, prove it. In my experience people whose badge and banner is Christianity are truly miserable people inside. Why is that? As I go through life, I have found that the people who truly seem to be happy and in love with life have nothing to do with religion what-so-ever. Sure I see people who on the outside seem to be loving with their Christianity, but when you truly get to know them, you discover how spiteful they are of everyone but their "God". In my hatred of Christianity and God, I have really been doing what they wanted me to do all along. I have alienated myself from others. Because let's face it, those are the true teachings of Abrahamic religions: God above all else, including self and others. I have simply replaced that concept of God with another, but I am still doing the same thing.
Does this mean that I will all of a sudden be a different person? No, unlike Saul in the biblical story, I have not had a hallucination that alters my complete frame of reality. I have, however, had my eyes opened to a new concept. One that I hope can begin to change my life in a more positive way. Love is the Law. Love for everyone. Does this mean I have to LIKE everyone? Absolutely not. But love accepts the humanity, not necessarily the actions of the human. Our lives also need to be filled with the love of things around us. The trees, the birds, the earth, our families, our friends. We cannot focus on trying to fix everything wrong with everyone else, we simply need to accept and love what we can. I think that is the point of this. Where Christians claim to love everyone but are truly only motivated by fear of their God, humans need to actually LOVE.
Author's note - This is probably one of my favorite posts, ever.
As I write this, my mind is swirling with concepts and feelings that I have had for longer than I can remember, but never been able to cogitate into a detectable pattern and put together as they are meant to be. Now, upon completion of His Dark Materials they are finally going on the path they were meant to. A quick side note: As I started these books I wondered why it took finding out about the movie to spark an interest. I had never seen nor heard of these books when they came out and I felt that there was something wrong with that. But having completed them today, I realize that had I come across them any earlier, I may not have seen what I needed to see. Back to the dissertation.
As I was growing up, I became intimately familiar with the story of Adam and Eve, as I grew up with a Christian mother whose life was The Church and it's teachings. She has since realized the error of her ways and come to a greater understanding, for which I think several of us are grateful. But this isn't about her; it's about Adam, Eve and what Christians refer to as "The Fall". For those of you largely unfamiliar with the story, I will attempt to tell it quickly to give a basis for my musings. Now keep in mind that this is biblical, not factual. In the beginning God created the world. He created all the animals and then he created Adam. (Now here there is some debate because some scholars believed God created Adam and Lilith --Adam's first wife-- at the same time.) However, the majority of people believe that God created Adam and then when he saw Adam was lonely, he created Eve from Adam as a companion. (A point I have trouble understanding is that if God created Adam in his own image, and God wasn't in need of a mate or companion, why did he create Eve? But I digress.) God told Adam and Eve that they could do pretty much anything they wanted except eat from this tree that grew in the Garden, the Tree of Knowledge (aka Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil). There was another tree, the Tree of Life, that gave them their gift of immortality, but this one doesn't seem to be as important to the story (although later in Christian development, it became more important than the ToK, but that isn't where I am focusing).
Fast forward a bit: Adam and Eve had lived in the Garden of Eden since the Creation (do you like my liberal use of Capital Letters?). They were naked and felt no shame. They had everything they needed, wanted for nothing. One day Eve was out walking in her nudity and stumbled across a Serpent. He convinces her to eat of the fruit of the ToK and she does. She then takes and gives this fruit to Adam, and Adam --knowing full well what it is and that it's forbidden-- eats of it as well. Supposedly they then become aware of their nakedness and clothed themselves. Later when God was walking through the Garden, he sees their clothes and knows that they have disobeyed him. He then banishes them from the Garden, denying them the fruit of the Tree of Life (thereby denying them their immortality) and forces them to live by their own labor. This "Fall" is the origin of what Christians refer to as "original sin". This is the concept that all humans are born into sin and if they die before accepting Jesus as their personal Lord and Saviour, they will go to hell. (Want to have an interesting and lively debate? Ask someone that believes this concept what happens to a baby if they die at birth and then question their logic.)
Now begin my musings. As a kid I had some questions with this story that seemed to get me into trouble. The first one was, if Adam and Eve weren't supposed to eat the fruit of the ToK, why was it there where they could get to it? The answer to this, I was told, is so that they could have free will. My question from this was, if they were supposed to have free will why were they told not to eat from the Tree in the first place? Because God told them not to and they obeyed God. If they obeyed God, what made them disobey him? The devil. Why did the devil want Adam and Eve to disobey God? Because he was jealous of them. Yeah, this raised a whole lot more questions, but we wont get into those here.
Now I was about 5 or 6 when I learned this and at the same time I was learning that God was all knowing, all powerful, and able to be everywhere at once (omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, respectively). This confused me when I compared it to the story of the Garden of Eden. If God was all knowing, didn't he know that they were going to disobey him? If he knew they were going to do it anyways, why tell them not to do it? If he was omnipresent then how did he go walking in the Garden? If he was omniscient, why didn't he know they ate the fruit the second they did it? Instead he learned of it when he saw their clothes. How did the devil even get INTO the Garden if there were angels guarding the place? Things weren't adding up for me, but no one was willing to answer these questions. Indeed, when I asked them, I was told in no uncertain terms that children were to be seen and not heard.
These are not all the questions I have had about the stories I was told from the Bible, but they are the earliest I remember having. A few years ago I turned my back inexorably on the Christian faith. It had been coming for a long time, but I finally made the decision and did it. No, I didn't make any pacts with the devil (mainly because the devil seems to be a completely Christian concept and it seemed silly to me to make a pact with something or someone created by the very stupidity I was trying to escape), nor did I sacrifice any small children or animals. I simply made the decision that I was not going to let fear be the deciding factor in my faith anymore. Fear of screwing up, fear of hell and fear of God. These are the things that Christians teach. Sure they give lip service to loving God, but what they spend far more time talking on is about Fearing him. The Fear of God. That is a popular sermon topic, let me tell you. They also talked about him being my Heavenly Father. Well this helped me to understand the Fear of God because I had Fear of my earthly father as well. Fear that he would find fault with me or the things I did, fear that I would be punished for doing wrong, fear of failure. These were things that I was taught at home and at church, so I thought that was all there was. When I broke those ties to Christianity, I realized that fear was something created to control us. I realize as a parent and as an adult observing other people that fear is a tool that we use far too often. If you fear your boss, you won't screw up, you'll do your job. If your kids fear you they will supposedly listen to you more. If you fear the police or prison, you will be less likely to commit crimes. We live in a society based on this concept of Fear. Read Michael Crichton's novel "State of Fear" for a fantastic example of what this fear can do for an environmental movement. (Global warming, anyone?)
I discovered today what the opposite of fear is. Love. Wait isn't hate the opposite of love? Well let me ask this: what creates hate? Fear. Think about it. It's been proven time and time again that the root of every hate crime is fear. Fear of homosexuality, fear of oppression, fear of repression, fear of a culture or an ideal. Why did the Catholics burn witches in the Inquisition? Fear of the damnation of their souls and fear of what the witches "could make them do" and what the witches knew about them as told to them by the devil himself.
So lets go back to the story of Adam and Eve. Before they ate of the Tree of Knowledge, they were naked. They had no children. The Bible is very specific that they had their children AFTER leaving the Garden of Eden. So it isn't a leap of faith (no pun intended) to see that there was probably no sex either, seeing as how the pill wouldn't come around for another few thousand years. And what is sex but the greatest expression of love between two people. Sure sex can be perverted or used for purely physical satisfaction, but anyone who has ever been in love can tell you that the sex with someone you are truly, deeply in love with is FAR more satisfying and pleasurable than any number of meaningless sexual liaisons. So looking at it from this perspective, lets look again at the eating of the fruit. Eve ate the fruit of the ToK and became aware of Good and Evil, and I believe at the same moment became aware of something else as well. Love. Overcome with this love she took the fruit and offered it to her companion, who then ate of it and became aware of the same sensation. Supposedly they then became aware of their nudity and became ashamed. Why would they have been ashamed simply after learning of Good and Evil? Nudity is not evil. Nor is it good. It is neutral. It is only how we PERCEIVE the nudity that makes it what it is. For example, look at Africans. Their women go topless. There is nothing wrong with that. It is only in Christian-centered countries like America --where 85% of the population claim some faith in the Christian God-- that there is something wrong with a woman's breasts and that they need to be covered. And they take this to ridiculous extremes. Only in the last couple of years has it no longer been a sex crime to breast-feed in public. Before that, if a woman was reported for breast-feeding in certain states, she would actually have to register as a sex offender! All for feeding her baby in public where someone might ::Gasp:: see a nipple! Interestingly enough in non-christian-centric countries, sex and nudity are far less restricted, is this because they are Evil? Or is it that the concept of nudity being shameful is purely Abrahamic? (For those of you unfamiliar with the term, I am referring to Christians, Jews, and Muslims) In those cultures women must be covered in public at all times, even to the extreme in the case of Muslims. Why? If God and the christian religion truly is not the creation of Man why isn't all mankind in the same understanding of sex and nudity? That it is shameful.
Ok back to the story. So they supposedly became shameful and had to clothe themselves. I believe that they discovered something else. Something that the Christian church cannot come to terms with. Sexual love. The Unification church is of the mind that the ToK symbolizes Eve and that the ToL symbolizes perfected Adam. The "fruit" of the tree is Eve's love. Her offering of that love to Adam is implying a sexual relationship before they had the permission of God. Thus the "fall". Although this is a physical fall instead of a spiritual fall. The temptation of Eve by Lucifer is the spiritual fall. Although the Unificationists go so far as to say Eve had a sexual relationship with Lucifer first.
Now the question is, why did God not want them to have this awareness? I mean, WHY did he not want them to eat of the ToK? Was he just being a parent and forbidding something just to test them? Or was there a real reason for it? What doesn't make sense to me, again, is if he is omniscient, why the whole ruse in the first place? He knew that Adam and Eve were going to fall, so why the games? Setting the omniscience aside for a moment since that makes even less sense, why then does he not want them to have this knowledge? Is it because he, himself, is incapable of love? All love is based from sexual love. Love for our children comes from the sexual union that created them. Love for our families again came into being because of that sexual act. So isn't it possible that sex itself is the foundation of our love? They say you can have no love without sex, but you can have sex without love. Is that really true? Can you? I am starting to doubt that. Sure, maybe on the surface you can, but truly, the reason for the sex is a love of SOMETHING. The love of orgasm, of ecstacy, maybe not love for the person you are having sex with, but love nevertheless. Since God has no one else, is he even CAPABLE of love? The bible gives lip service to this, but nothing really definitive in any of his actions. If anything he seems like a pretentious child king. He kicks Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden even though --since he's omniscient-- he KNEW they were gonna do it. He turns his back on pretty much all of his children. He tells Isaac that he has to sacrifice his own SON to him, and does he stop Isaac? Nope. He has an angel do it for him. Supposedly he loved the world so much that he gave his only begotten son to save us all, but if he hadn't been a jerk in the first place he wouldn't have HAD to send his son. And what the hell is up with the begotten crap? I mean he didn't even impregnate Mary himself. He sent the holy spirit and she was suddenly "with child". At least Zeus had the balls to do it himself. Repeatedly.
So is this incapability for love what causes the church elders to label what Adam and Eve felt as shame? Since God didn't write the bible himself, and he just dictated it to somebody, how did that go?
"So, wait, they started having sex so you threw them out? Why the hell did you do that?"
"Just write it down"
Now lets look at what this shame --oh, and by the way, shame is the FEAR of being viewed as less in the eyes of someone you respect or care about-- has done to us. Let's start with the Catholic church. Because of Eve's fall, the female form is seen as shameful and sinful. Hell, even the CONCEPT of "original sin" is because of Eve. Because of this the church sees women as evil. Priests are not allowed to wed. They are not allowed to know love in it's physical manifestation. Because of this we have scandals that "rock the foundation of the Church" when priests try to find that love where it is closest to them, the altar boys. (Amazingly enough these same priests are the ones that vocally detest and denounce homosexuality stronger than almost anyone else, hypocrisy knows no bounds in the Church) Anyone who does magick knows that when you are done with a working you have to release that power. The best and most satisfying way is with sex. Again this goes back to love. And priests work magick every time they hold mass, whether that is how they want to refer to it or not, that is what it is. They are calling the power of their chosen deity to manifest itself in a form they choose through their commandment (communion through transubstantiation). That's magick, folks. Every magickian on the planet aims to reach closeness with their form of deity through their own power or commandment. Aleister Crowley, arguably one of the greatest magickians of all time, calls that Greater Magick. Another way he describes that is "pursuit of the beloved". There's that love word again. Crowley also teaches "Love is the Law, Love under Will".
Love is the Law. That is a concept I have been struggling with for quite some time. As many of you know, I have a problem with loving my fellow humans. I really don't like them. Frankly they tend to disgust me. Other than the few I choose to share my life with, I can't stand to be around them. Why is that? As I finished His Dark Materials, I was challenged to confront that. I always disdained the New Agers when they went on touting Love and Tolerance for All Mankind. "Fuck tolerance" I have said many times in the past. I always thought that love was one of those things reserved for my wife, kids and family. Because of the truly hypocritical nature of Christianity, I thought love for everyone else meant I would be doing the same thing they are. Namely giving lip service to a concept that they want you to believe they practice. But I came to the realization long ago that love is NOT the name of their game. No matter how hard they want you to believe it, it's not what their religion is based on. Like I covered before, their religion is based on Fear. And you cannot have both Fear and Love be the focus of your thoughts. They are mutually exclusive. If you think I am wrong, prove it. In my experience people whose badge and banner is Christianity are truly miserable people inside. Why is that? As I go through life, I have found that the people who truly seem to be happy and in love with life have nothing to do with religion what-so-ever. Sure I see people who on the outside seem to be loving with their Christianity, but when you truly get to know them, you discover how spiteful they are of everyone but their "God". In my hatred of Christianity and God, I have really been doing what they wanted me to do all along. I have alienated myself from others. Because let's face it, those are the true teachings of Abrahamic religions: God above all else, including self and others. I have simply replaced that concept of God with another, but I am still doing the same thing.
Does this mean that I will all of a sudden be a different person? No, unlike Saul in the biblical story, I have not had a hallucination that alters my complete frame of reality. I have, however, had my eyes opened to a new concept. One that I hope can begin to change my life in a more positive way. Love is the Law. Love for everyone. Does this mean I have to LIKE everyone? Absolutely not. But love accepts the humanity, not necessarily the actions of the human. Our lives also need to be filled with the love of things around us. The trees, the birds, the earth, our families, our friends. We cannot focus on trying to fix everything wrong with everyone else, we simply need to accept and love what we can. I think that is the point of this. Where Christians claim to love everyone but are truly only motivated by fear of their God, humans need to actually LOVE.
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