Changes

Standing at the bus stop yesterday I had a sudden epiphany.  Some small part of me has been waiting for the Singularity.  This part of me firmly believes that we will achieve being able to transfer a mind into a machine and live on forever, and that it will happen in this life time.  Who knows, maybe it will happen, but what it also made me realize is that this part of me is an idiot.  As much as I hate modern medicine – correction, as much as I hate doctors who think they know more than everyone else because they went to school a little longer – this same part of me (or maybe one of his buddies) also believes that no matter what I do to myself, that modern medicine will fix me. 

For as smart as I am about so many things, this one leaves me baffled now that it’s been exposed.  Why would I think that?  Why would I do all of these things to my body, all of this destructive shit, in hopes that somehow it can be later fixed? 

Another part of me does comparisons when I’m out and about.  “Holeee shit, look at that guy, no way I’m that big.  I’m good.  See? He’s, like, 50 and not dead yet.”  I swear my brain is actively trying to kill me. 

I have Type 2 Diabetes, a fact that should come as a shock to no one.  I have a love-hate relationship with sugars and carbs.  I love them, they hate me, and my body gets pissed that I keep eating them. My body doesn’t care that someone else is fatter than me, or has more problems than me, it just cares that I’m killing it, and it would like me to kindly knock it  the fuck off. 

At the same time I am always angry about something.  Angry at the stupidity around me; angry at this, angry at that.  To what end?  What does this anger do for me?  So I can die early on a righteous kick, knowing in the end that I was still right, but that I died young because I couldn’t de-stress? Fuck that. 

At this stage of my life, everyone expects it.  I’m the cynical one, the realist, the angry young man, yada yada yada.  I’m pissed at the government for taking away rights that I feel are my due, but don’t actively have a need to exercise.  For what?  I need to take care of myself, take care of my family.  Be there for them and love them.  I’m tired of feeling like I have to be angry to amuse people.  I admit that it’s funny, but it’s literally killing me to continue.

I’m constantly stressed about everything.  I am always feeling pressure to study and learn so I can move forward in my career.  I work 50+ hours a week and then come home and try to cram more stuff in my head so that I can work even more hours and make the same amount of money.  All in the hopes that in five years or so I can make a change and start making better money living somewhere more pleasing than this fucking hellmouth they call Tucson.  The problem is that it gets overwhelming and instead I just sit there and watch TV until it’s time for bed, rather than reading and doing what I need to do.  All the while yelling at my kids and my wife because “Daddy just needs some quiet time”. 

I need to heal.  I need to de-stress.  I want to get back into martial arts as a way to release some of the physical stress that I put my body under in reaction to my mental stress.  I want to get rid of shit that I don’t need that just piles up around me because of my obsessive need to keep everything that means something.  And believe me, when you’re like me, EVERYTHING means SOMETHING.  I need discipline and I need order.  I need to remove my overwhelming desire to make sure everyone else abides by the same rules of conduct that I hold myself to, or the desire to let those that don’t know exactly how they are wrong.

Yes, I know, #firstworldproblems or #whitewhine.  But you know what? I don’t give a fuck.  I recognize that there are many, many people out there that do not have as good a life as I have.  That’s fine.  They made their choices, I need to make mine.  I refuse to die young because I couldn’t get over the wrongs that others perpetrate from their stupidity and lack of caring.  If it doesn’t directly affect me or mine, it does me no good to be angry about it.  It’s time to use my apathy to do myself some good for once. 

Why "smart" phones sometimes just ain't

For being dubbed "smartphones" most of the devices that fall into that category seem to have very dumb phone capabilities. You would think that as companies develop these devices that they wouldn't just take the phone part for granted, relegated to the back burner while they work on the other stuff. Sure, I enjoy apps and other features too, but if the device fails at its originally intended purpose - that is, sending and receiving phone calls and text messages - then I believe we have failed somewhere along the way. There are some, I think, basic functionalities that so-called smartphones seem to be lacking. Functionalities that their dumber little siblings seem to have figured out.

For example, I would like to be able to silence all calls except from a handful of numbers. I would like to be able to have different lists of numbers based on my needs so that I can just select a group, choose "Silence" or "Silence all others" and it should work. That way I can be sure not to miss calls from, say, work when I'm on call, or my wife when she is traveling at night without having to worry about drunken wrong numbers or people I don't care to hear from when I'm trying to sleep.

Or how about assigning one ringtone to all non-contact phone numbers and another to generic contacts and also have the ability to give individuals the distinct ringtones? This way if my phone is across the house, I can determine whether or not I want to pause my movie or game to run and answer it just based on the ringtone. This may seem complicated but my dumbphone from Kyocera can do it, why can't my Droid or iPhone?

Now I haven't really looked into add-on apps for these things, and I'm sure they're out there, but there is a problem with just using a third-party app: it's not built in to the design of the phone. This means that it is likely not going to be nearly as reliable. I have heard horror stories from people who have used different apps for text messaging and ringtones and they don't work quite right. They miss text messages, or have different sounds setup for ringtones and they malfunction causing someone to answer the phone in a rather embarassing way because they think the caller is someone else (yes, I've done this, hush). While this is fine once in a while, it's not something I would like to rely on for important functions. I'd rather not have an app that silences certain calls malfunction and I stop receiving the important ones. I really don't want to have to explain to my boss why I didn't get the email server back up and running because some app silenced the ops number when they called. This is why I got rid of my Windows phone and why I'll never go back to one. I wouldn't get alerts for hours on end and then wake up my phone and see 6 voicemails and 10 text messages. That was infuriating.

Phone developers need to continue to improve the basic functions of the phone in addition to the bells and whistles that make these devices phenomenal. I don't want to carry two devices, I want the device I spent exorbitant amounts of money on to have the features I can get from a cheap throw-away phone.

Why are eBooks so ridonkulously priced?

Riddle me this: Why is it that I can get a full download of the Tron: Legacy soundtrack (or virtually ANY other album) from Amazon for $4.99 (or $7.99), or I can buy the physical CD for $11.88; but if I want a damned eBook, I am paying as much or MORE than I would pay for the paperback? And don't give me that "cheaper than hardback" nonsense, because I don't subscribe to that newsletter. The publisher still makes money on paperbacks, so does the author. Otherwise they wouldn't reissue them every couple of years with different cover art at the current paperback market price.

If the book isn't available in paperback form yet, I understand the price discrepancy. But if it is available in paperback, then change the ebook price accordingly. I mean honestly, if I buy the book I should get a free ebook copy with it. Hell, I'd even pay $12.99 for the paperback in that instance if necessary.

Here's why I'm ranting: I spent $9.99 on a book that came out 2 years ago, I've since purchased a Nook and I'm going on a business trip that I'd like to reread the aforementioned novel. But now if I want an ebook copy of it, it's another $8.99. That's horseshit. If I have already purchased it, I should get some sort of a discount. Yeah, I know that's not how it works in retail: "Oh, but I already bought one vacuum, I'd like a second at half price." But we aren't talking vacuums. We're talking about a book. A book whose content hasn't changed, mind you. And it isn't like they're LOSING money by including a copy of the ebook. I mean look at DVDs and BluRays now; if you buy one, most of them have a code for a free digital copy so you can take it with you. Yes, you pay more for them up front, but you get more out of them in the long run so it's worth it. Like I said, I'll pay more initially for a book if you give me multiple ways to enjoy it.

Bah!

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***ORIGINALLY POSTED 31JUL07***


So I am watching TV tonight and I saw a Junque for Jesus ad. The ad starts with Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." I actually REWOUND the DVR to make sure I read that right. Do not lean on your own understanding. Does this look to anyone else like "Think not for yourself, God already knows"?

Now I understand why people can constantly say shit like "God has a purpose for your life" when your baby is stillborn. Or when you find out that you have cancer and have less than six months to live. I guess if I could just put everything on someone else's shoulders all the time, I wouldn't give a fuck either. Although confront those same people with tragedy and their tune tends to change. When it doesn't you realize that you have either found a true zealot, or someone that has found their drug in Christianity (sometimes those are one and the same, but the Drug Christians are usually ones that "convert" late in life after battling some sort of addiction or another and just substitute church and Jesus for Meth and Speed). There isn't hope for those people, so it's best to just move on.

For the rest of us, though, those of us that take a step back and think for ourselves, how do you justify this passage? Do we really have to just be sheep? I always thought it was funny when I was in Sunday school and they likened the Christians to the Sheep and the evil-doers to the Goats. However everywhere else in analogies and what-not, being a sheep is a BAD thing. Are the Christians really ok with being sheep? If so, I guess more power to them, but hopefully they don't get angry when I drive by and "Baaaa" at them while they are walking into church.

Another question, why is the passage there? Why did the author feel the need to actually TELL people in black and white that they should not think for themselves? Are they trying to dull our senses enough so that we don't notice the other glaring inconsistencies in their stories later in the bible? Am I just too bitter? I dunno. It's hard for me to reconcile the fact that I spent 20 years being lied to every day. It was bad enough the shit I had to hear from my Dad, but to add to that the fact that the one person I did look up to, turned out to be a complete fraud, kinda leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.

I know, I know, religion teaches that we are to be tolerant and loving of all people and religions. I say fuck religious tolerance. Those that are the loudest about it are the ones that are the most intolerant. So to me it seems largely hypocritical. Christians are now constantly preaching about how tolerant they are, yet whose God has been responsible for EVERY religious war EVER. Oh, and for those of you about to bitch that the Muslims start a lot, too, let me clue you in to a little secret. Allah and God are the same dude. Do some research if you doubt this. Back to what I was saying, it seems to me that the God in whose name billions of people have been killed from the beginning of time may not be the one we should be putting so much blind faith in.

Let me ask you something. If you had a boss that acted like God, would you work for him very long? "So, um, yeah, I'm gonna need you to bring your kid in to work today and kill him for me. Just to show me that you are loyal." Or how about "Look, the only way you are gonna get that corner office is if you take my son and worship him. Him and only him. No other friends. That's the only way you can get in. Don't like it? Looks like you'll have to go work in the shithouse down the street." Or what if you worked your ass off everyday for the company and he promotes Bob the Janitor to VP because he's meek. Wouldn't that piss you off? I sure as shit wouldn't work there anymore, no matter HOW good the benefits were. That's another thing. No tangible benefits. Nobody knows if the 401k plan is real. You pay into it your whole life, but you really have no idea whether the payoff is legit. You just pray that your boss is telling you the truth. Nobody, and I mean nobody would work for a guy like that. So why put your entire life in the hands of someone like that?

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